Monday, August 22, 2011

My Ten commandments of Tailgating

1. Thou shalt GET THERE EARLY

When you don't have a parking pass, securing the perfect tailgate spot is key...and to do that you have to get there early.  There are certain sacrifices that need to be made! If the campus police say you can't start parking cars until 12pm the day before game day...then you need to start circling your prime tailgate spot at 11:00.... because if you're not going to, then someone else will, and unfortunately it's fair game. You want your spot? Get there! Be prepared with rope and caution tape and orange cones to mark your territory and know how to park your car just perfectly so that no one can squeeze in between you, but so that you can also maneuver to make extra space for late comers.

2. Thou shalt not be the tailgate mooch

Everyone knows who these people are.  They show up whenever they want to, they roll in with a few of their friends, they drink all your beer, eat your food, and then when it's all gone they go on their merry way.... that's not cool.  Bring your own beer or bourbon, or whatever it is that you drink! It's one thing to stop by and say hey, have a beer with some friends, and then move on. BUT if you're planning on hanging out...then you need to contribute....unless you're the guy that volunteers to run the grill....he gets whatever he wants because he is the grill master! No one minds sharing once in a while...but don't make a habit .... you don't want to become the tailgate mooch.

3.  Thou shalt play games

It's not a tailgate party with out cornhole, or a football to toss around.  Depending on the crowd and the availability of an empty table,  beer pong and flip cup is also a must.  This helps pass the hours until game time!

4.   Thou shalt have no priority higher than tailgating

The true tailgate faithful plan their weekends around the football schedule. Everyone knows that there are just certain things you don't do between September and November. These things include, getting married, going on vacation, or expecting to wake up any earlier than 11am on a Sunday.  ( I must admit that I'm breaking this very important commandment this year...and I'm ASHAMED to say it's the biggest rivalry of the year ....hypocrite right here)

5.  Thou shalt not be obnoxious

Being oboxious includes but is not limited to:
      - Puking and/or passing out before gametime
      -  Showing up late and being mad because no one saved you a parking spot, a drink, or something to eat  (this is your punishment for breaking commandment #1)
     -  - fighting for no reason other than you are drunk and you feel like fighting....
     - taking up 4 tailgate spots, when you only need 3...if you're not using all the space you have, let someone else have it...the more the merrier!

6.  Thou shalt prepare for the weather

  It's going to be cold in the mornings.... hot as hell all afternoon,  and then cold at night for the first couple games then it's going to get cold, and stay cold.  That's just how it is...wear layers, bundle up, strip down, then bundle up again...and don't complain about it...check the weather before the game and prepare... it's not that hard.

7.  Thou shalt share your moonshine


8.  Thou shalt wear thy colors proudly

                                       Don't show up to a UK home game wearing red... just don't....

9.   Thou shalt not go the jail

 In my of the leading causes for getting a free ride in a police car on game day is being drunk in do they know you're drunk? Chances are you're peeing somewhere you shouldn't be.  I would single out the boys here...but I've seen girls do it too.  SO If you have to go and you don't want to wait in line, that's fine. I understand.  We've all had that drunken I'm gonna pee in the grass/on this tire/in this corner/on this tree/ or next to this big drain moment.  And at the time it sounds like a great idea... until someone sees you, points, laughs, and/or makes a big enough deal to get you arrested.  Some other ways to earn a free ride in the back of a police care might be breaking commandment #5.

10.  Thou shalt keep in mind... it's a marathon, not a sprint

In order to keep from breaking commandments # 5 and #9, it's important to remember (for night games especially), that it's going to be a long day. . . and chances are good you want to actually make it to the game! This being said,  one does not need to consume a bottle of tequila by themselves, unless they want to have an up close and personal relationship with the ER, and a catheter.  Pace is key! You want to keep it slow and steady so you and everyone else can have a good time, without passing out like a rookie, and missing the game entirely.

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