Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over. ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997
This is the first week back in class and back at work since my break. I came back less productive than EVER. I got SO much done while I was off. I have never dreaded coming back to work so much. My job isn't hard, it's better than most in fact, however the stress level is sky high and after a relaxing week of peace and quiet the last thing I wanted to do was come back, and sit in front of the computer for 40 hours a week. Not only have I gained 20 lbs since I've worked here, but I've developed a distain for ignorant hillbillies, drug seeking pill heads, cranky impatient old people, and people who think that they are entitled to something that no one else is. Not to mention clinical supervisors who are affraid to speak to their doctors, and don't want to do their job. But enough about that.
A week off doesn't sound like much, but it seemed like it lasted forever, and I LOVED it. I visited my mom, cleaned the house, did some laundry, steam cleaned the carpets and surfed craigslist for old furniture that I can buy cheap and refinish (I find stress releif in the stain fumes and satisffaction in the finished product :)) While dreading going back to work, I thought to myself, this is sad, I've become one of THOSE people who works to pay the bills and hates every second of it. I know why I work where I do. It's certainly not for the money or my love of being yelled at by hateful sick people all day. It's because my school is paid for. I went back to school to get a Masters degree so I can attempt to do something that I love to do. Which is listen to people's problems, and help them try and figure them out the best I can. I loved being a personal trainer. Loved it. But people are lazy. They think that going to a trainer once a week is going to fix them. Let me tell you, just because you're shelling out $50 for 30 minutes of sweat a week doesn't mean the fat is going to magically melt off your ass. Simply put, stop shoveling sugar and fat in your face, get off your fat ass, and exercise more than once a week, and you will see results. Does it happen overnight? NO. Is it easy? Hell no it's not easy, I'm stuggling with it myself. I got really sick of hearing people whine and compain about how they can't lose weight, after they didn't show up for their last 6 sessions, and they are puking in my trash can because they ate a cookie fudge fantasy before they came to the gym. The only thing that kept me sane during some of my client workouts was talking to my clients. About their day, their relationships, their struggles, etc. . . . As most of us know, overeating, undereating, and being lazy can all be signs of being depressed, or having some other ailment that is rooted in our mind. Some of these people needed a therapist more than they needed a trainer. They needed to make a mental change before they could make any kind of physical change. But as their physical trainer, who am I to say, you don't need a trainer, you need a shrink. Eventually those people just stopped showing up, as I expected them to, but while I had my time with them, I'd listen to whatever they wanted to bounce off of me. One client of mine had actually been raped and never recieved counseling for it. The things she would tell me often left me speechless, in complete disbelief that such terrible things could happen to a person.
I used to have a friend, we'll call him Frank, that was so rooted in his unhappiness, and self pity that he created an environment that supported it and couldn't get out. He was one of these people who was SO negative ALL the time that I started dodging phone calls, and avoiding him. Everything that came out of his mouth was a complaint, about how terrible his life was, about how no one loved him etc . . . Let me tell you something, if you chase after married women 80 % of the time then chances are pretty good that one of 2, if not both, things are going to happen....You're going to get you're ass kicked, and/or you're going to get your heart broken. Something in his brain didn't let him see that. After being there for him for SO long, and listening to it for SO long, and trying SO hard to point out the positive things in his life (There were SO many), I had to say look. I'm sorry. But I'm not equipped to be your therapist and listening to you boo hoo about the problems that you have made for yourself for all these years is really bringing me down. So my suggestion to you is, get some help, because you need more than someone to listen to you, you need a professional who can intervene and/or medicate you. I felt really bad after we had that conversation, like I was abandoning him. Years later, having had 2 semesters of some basic counseling training I realized how il-equiped I really was to deal with the types of problems that he had. Eliminating him from my life was absolutely the best thing I could have done. Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
Not enough of us realize how much the people we surround ourselves with impact our life. If you surround yourself with negativity all the time then it's going to bring you down. You may not realize it because it happens gradually, but it DOES happen. It wasn't until I eliminated the uneccesary negativity from my life that I realized that. There is no room in my life for Drama that can be avoided. You're boyfriend won't let you leave the house? You have to ask permission to leave the house without him? I hate that for you but guess what. You're a big girl and you can stand up for yourself, because I've seen you do it. If you're content being a shut in...well then...sorry 'bout ya ;) It's not my problem it's yours. One you've created for yourself. The person you're dating won't answer their phone? Because their spouse is probably sitting next to them? Hmmmmm Sucks for you, you're a moron who's dating a married person. The only "drama" i hear about these days is, who's gonna watch the dog this weekend? Who wants to babysit? Who's having a cookout? Who's going to be the DD? and what's on the DVR? I'm getting old. My life is boring, and busy and happy. I do what I want, regardless of how weird it might be :) , and it's ok with pretty much everyone. I think I might FINALLY have found my yellow brick road, and I'm enjoying every step that takes me to Oz, whatever that is ;)
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